


how i still love you (i still love you).

by flustraaa



Series: the one where they realise something important [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Fluff and Angst, Fluff so much fluff, Gen, Good Friend Magnus Bane, M/M, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, angst for a lil bit at the boiling point, best friend au, cannon tingz, pillow wall au, share a bed au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-17 23:04:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19964701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flustraaa/pseuds/flustraaa
Summary: oh no, alec and magnus sharing a bed? build a pillow wall, surely that will resolve the unsettled sexual tension.





	how i still love you (i still love you).

**Author's Note:**

> i hope yall read that summary in john mulaney’s voice bc that’s how it was intended.

It takes ten words for Alec’s already stressful week to fall completely apart, and he knows the moment that Isabelle shakes him awake with one key in her hand that what’s coming cannot be good. 

“Hey,” She murmurs, handing him his glasses, “You’re going have to share a bed with Magnus.” 

“ _What_?” Alec gapes, glancing around to make sure his best friend isn’t in the general vicinity before they have this discussion

“It’s going to be fine,” She whispers, gripping his upper arm softly, maintaining eye contact while nodding reassuringly, “He won’t find out anything he doesn’t already know.” 

Alec knows that she’s directly referencing the feelings that he’s been suppressing for several years. 

“What _does_ he know?” Alec mutters sarcastically, clearly not intending for his sister to answer. 

However, as usual, she smirks a that stupid shit eating grin, before muttering, “That you snore?” 

And as always, Alec responds by punching her shoulder. 

She rolls her eyes, shrugging it off before pulling him out of the car, “Relax, we all are very aware of your sleeping habits after that airplane ride— in fact, I’m certain the entire airport is.” 

“Shut up,” He grumbles back, all annoyance fleeing when Magnus sends him a smile from the lobby. 

“Sleeping beauty is _finally_ awake is see,” Magnus teases, nudging Alec shoulder with his own before extending Alec’s suitcase. 

They walk together to the elevator, standing in a comfortable silence, that eventually leads to them both flopping down on the bed; going through the days plans. 

“Oh my god,” Alec mutters, walking out of the bathroom with a flourish of steam, “Magnus we’ve had this room for an hour how did you _possibly_ —“ 

“I know what this looks like but it was all Simon!” Magnus exclaims, holding out his hands defensively— as if Alec was a rabid animal. 

Alec picks up and article of clothing, clearing his throat as he raises it to eye level, “You’re trying to tell me that Simon wears Gucci? I know he makes good money as a comic book creator but—“ 

“Not all of us can be as meticulous as you,” He grumbles, reaching over to grab the Gucci from Alec’s fingertips— When had Alec folded it? 

Alec rolls his eyes, slipping a shirt over his shoulders before organising Magnus’ scattered outfits. 

“ _Thanks_ ,” Magnus mutters, taking the shirts, shoving them into his suitcase, “Are we still heading down to meet your family down at the shore?” 

“Yeah,” Alec assures, halting his motions to look Mangus in the eyes, “You’re gonna be okay, right? I can find something else for us if you want.” 

“Oh darling, I’m feeling a little adventurous, maybe I’ll even pretend to touch the water while clinging to you.” 

Magnus was, in fact, _incorrect_. 

The second they stepped onto the beach, he’d seized up— Alec, being conscientious as always, suggested they do something else. 

And Magnus, being stubborn as always, insisted they stay. 

Jace, being a dumbass as he will be eternally, separated Magnus from his anchor.This being said, Magnus found the fact that Jace was able to hoists his over six foot and almost two hundred pound brother over his shoulder was equally impressive and entertaining to watch. 

It was on that day, that their group learned Alec does not in any way shape or form of anything on god’s green earth like to be lifted by anyone. 

Alec’s flailing struggle was long lived, when Jace tripped over a wave sending them both crashing in the ocean. 

Magnus heart stopped as he waiting for them to reappear, beating the moment they surfaced, giggling in advance to Jace being tackled by his best man. 

When Alec returned to Magnus— as he always did, his haired was curled from the seawater and eyes beaming. 

“You alright?” He asks softly, tossing his towel over his hair and onto his shoulders, squeezing Magnus’ arm when he doesn’t receive a response. 

His best friend hums at the touch, turning to look at the provider, “What was that? I zoned out, my dear.” 

“I asked if you’re alright, but that answered my question. Do you want to go back to the hotel room? You can get some rest, Izzy said you haven’t slept at all during the travel time.” 

A smirk pulls at Magnus’ lips, “How could I. darling? With you snoring away on my shoulder.” 

He immediately regrets the comment as soon as the look of panic and guilt flashes over Alec’s features, no doubt about to suggest something obscene as sleeping in the hotel lobby or the bathtub so that he doesn’t interrupt Magnus’ circadian cycle. 

“I was joking, Alexander,” Magnus reassures, resting a gentle hand on his friend’s chest, “You hardly snore, I’m just not a fan of sleeping in public.”

Alec nods, sucking in a soft breath, wrapping an arm around Magnus in advance to speaking again, “So a nap before dinner?” 

“That sounds great,”Magnus breathes, leaning into Alec’s shoulder. 

Magnus wakes to Alec shaking his shoulder, face holding a half asleep expression that the former finds utterly endearing. 

A quick glance around the room tells him that it’s an hour or so before they’re due for dinner, Isabelle’s dressed, doing her makeup at the desk with Simon adjusting his tie behind her. 

He shuffles out of the bed, getting ready before joining Alexander in a walk down the hall to meet his family. When they arrive Magnus feels the breath leave his lips— but it’s not solely the decor. It’s Alexander surrounded by all of the wedding mementos, the name Lightwood engraved on all the favours. 

It’s everything he’s _ever_ wanted, he realises at once, trying desperately to force a smile back onto his lips. 

“Alright?” Alec queries, pulling Magnus into a comforting hug.

“Yeah,” Magnus replies, nodding into his best friend’s shoulder, “This just looks amazing.” 

The smile that over takes Alec’s lips in rejoinder is worth the world. 

Dinner was filled with Alec trying to make Magnus laugh from playing footsie under the table, and Magnus trying to make Alec mess up his rehearsal speech. 

But now, the day has come to a close and Alec sits in bed, admiring the pillow wall he’d built between them to, quote, _stop me from being an octopus while I sleep_ , end quote. 

Magnus mutely agreed, not daring to tell his best friend that he wouldn’t mind the spooning. 

Isabelle and Simon fell asleep a few hours ago, well past wine drunk. Magnus watches as Alec flips off the light, snuggling down into the sheets a snuffle leaving his nose as he gets comfortable. 

His friend doesn’t notice the way Magnus lets his eyes trail over his features— or at least, if he does, he doesn’t say anything, falling asleep a few moments following his heads collision with the pillow. 

And oh, how Magnus will envy the speed at which his best friend can fall asleep for the rest of his life.

He’s teetering on the edge of sleep a few minutes later when he feels a warm arm wrap around his waist— but by then, he’s too far gone to think much about it. 

That is, until morning light peeks through the windows. He’s certain he’s awake first— he can hear Simon’s snores from the other bed and Isabelle’s gentle breaths in tandem. 

Moreover, however, he can feel the heavy weight of his long limbed best friend dangling over his torso. The warmth is enough to make him halt in place, trying to figure out where the hell the pillow wall went ( _not that he’s complaining_ ). 

He startles ever so slightly when he hears Isabelle let out a sigh— one that sounds suspiciously similar to one of Alec’s ‘ _I’m about to wake up_ ’ sighs. 

The fact of the matter is only reiterated when there’s muted sounds of hand against fabric and Simon’s groan— only to be immediately hushed by Isabelle. 

“I knew it,” Isabelle gasps, and Magnus is almost certain she’s talking about the way Alec is pressed up against his back, “I wonder when it happened though— Magnus has been in love with him for at least two years and Alec... don’t even get me started on that _besotted idiot._ ” 

It’s at this moment that Alec, ever on time, abruptly sucks in a breath that sounds suspiciously like a snore— _I don’t snore, Magnus_ — an unsettled groan leaving his lips. 

Magnus knows the exact moment Alec becomes fully alert because he jolts up and away from Magnus, ripping himself away from Magnus at such a speed that he lands on the floor. 

Isabelle laughs so hard she’s wheezing by timeAlec clambers back onto the bed. She calms, taking a moment prior to speaking again, “Is he still asleep?” 

Magnus feels Alec lean over him to get a better view of his face, and Alec nods, “Yeah, I’ll stay with him. You wanna go see what’s at breakfast and if it’s good we’ll get him up?”

Isabelle and Simon must agree, because within a few minutes the door is closing and Alec’s speaking again. 

“Were you awake before that or did you just want to save me the extra trauma of telling me I woke you up?” He inquires, laying back down and facing his best friend. 

Magnus rolls over to see Alec’s face, finding creases on his cheeks and cerulean eyes red from sleep. 

“I woke up before Isabelle, I wasn’t like... awake though,” Magnus states as a matter of fact, earning an absent hum in response to his words.

“Did you sleep alright?” Alec asks softly, turning to look at Magnus, “I can sleep on the floor tomorrow. The pillow wall was a bust I see.” 

“You’re a sloth,” Magnus mutter bluntly, yawning as he goes, “Nothing can stop you from clinging to things. We should get you a nice pillow, name him Alfred.” 

Alec snorts in amusement, rolling his eyes before hitting Magnus with a pillow, “ _Shuddup_.” 

The wedding is beautiful, and Magnus notes that Alec’s best man speech is as well. When he returns to sit with Magnus, his best friend provides a wave of calm, returning Alec’s shaky hands back to their regular steadiness. 

It’s as everyone begins to get hammered that Magnus finds Alec, sitting on the rocks with a nearly full strawberry daiquiri to his side. The same strawberry daiquiri he’s been nursing for four hours. 

Against his better judgement, Magnus shuffles down beside Alec, leaning a head on his best friend’s shoulder. 

“What’s going on in that broken washing machine of a brain?” He hopes to pull a laugh from the raven haired boy, but instead, the man in question picks up his glass, tracing the rim with his finger. 

“I just keep thinking—“ he starts, sucking in a deep breath and before letting it out shakily, “I just keep thinking that I want this so bad. I want to be married— I want to love and be loved by someone.”

“You will be.” Magnus affirms, taking Alec’s freehand. 

Uncharacteristically, Alec pulls away, settling his hand back down on the stem of his glass. It’s in that very second that Magnus feels his heart race endlessly. 

“That’s the thing. I won’t— because the man I love, has no clue. I’ll never work up the nerve to tell him because I’m so _scared_ of losing him,” Alec’s breaths are shuddering, and he sets down the glass to untie his bow tie, placing a shaking hand over his crisp button down. 

“Alexander?” Magnus breathes, and he’s not sure if it’s the tequila or what he heard earlier, but he can’t get the question out of his mouth fast enough. He stammers inwardly as soon as Alec looks at him, “Is it me?” 

And he can hear the hope in his voice and it’s disgusting, but he can’t do anything about it because he’s overflowing with ‘ _what ifs_ ’. 

Alec curls his knees to his chest, refusing to answer the question and it’s in that moment, that Magnus realises it’s very likely that he is, in fact, the man. 

Though, he can’t force the syllables out, he wants to tell Alec it’s okay— that the only thing that will change is maybe they’ll start kissing. 

But then, his heart shatters into a million pieces when Alec firmly utters, “No. It’s not, but now I’m going to lose you _too_.”

In wake of the statement, his lithe friend rises to his feet and disappears through the door of the venue. 

And Magnus is left nursing an obliterated heart. 

When he returns to the hotel room, Isabelle and Simon and drunkenly babbling in the hall about how Alec has to be a ‘ _killjoy because he’s already asleep in there and not playing cards against humanity with us’_. 

Magnus musters up the courage to push open the door to their room, stopping in the frame to look over his best friend. Alec is in fact asleep, but he doesn’t look like... well, _him_. 

His gangly koala arms are tucked tightly around himself, legs curled up beneath him and taking a minuscule amount of space on the bed. 

_It’s my fault_ , Magnus thinks, _If hadn’t said anything, he wouldn’t be like this_. 

He sighs, not having the energy to wipe off his makeup or do anything more that shrug off his tux before falling into the opposite side of the bed.

He’ll never forgive himself for hurting Alexander. That’s the thought that plagues him until he slips off into a dreamless slumber. 

When Magnus wakes, he’s not met with the putrid feeling of day old glam caked onto his face. He immediately sits up, glancing around to see how long he’s been out for. 

His head is pounding with the tell-tale signs of a hangover, though it pales in comparison to seeing his best friend gone and the pillow wall still fully in tact. 

Alec’s glasses are missing off the side of the table— used makeup wipes in their place, and Magnus has to stop as the feelings wash over him in waves. 

He reaches over to grab his jacket and sweats off of the top of his back only to find a note from Alec. 

_we need to talk_

_i can’t go on like this_

_-alec._

Magnus pushes open the curtain to see if he can find his best friend, and he does, rather quickly. 

His legs can’t move fast enough as he rushes out the hotel and onto the beach, finding Alexander’s crunched frame sitting on the sand, tracing shapes into the beach. 

He stops suddenly, taking quiet steps to Alexander before lowering himself down beside him. 

“I told you I’d never go to bed mad at you,” Alec sussurates, wrapping his arms tighter around his legs and resting his head on his chin, “I’ve lied to you twice.” 

Magnus nods, taking the information in slowly,

resting his head on Alec’s shoulder to show that theirs no hostility between them.

But then Alec blurts the one question left capable of completely destroying him, “Do you love me?” 

And god knows Magnus can’t lie to Alec. 

“Yeah. I have for a while. And yes, before you ask, as more than my best friend,” He whispers, biting his bottom lip. 

“The second lie I ever told you was that you aren’t the one,” Alec stammers, voice cracking. 

Magnus sits up, glancing at his best friend to find silent tears on his face, moving to speak but Alec pushes on, “I love you so much, and it hurts. I’ve loved you for so long, Magnus.” 

“Alexander,” Magnus says, in the same soft tone, resting his hand on top of Alec’s— he’s shuddering beneath Magnus’ hand, “I love you.” 

“Where do we go from here? I hurt you,” Alec mumbles, “I never want to do that again.” 

“We _try_ ,” Magnus promises, nodding in reaffirmation, smoothing a hand over Alec’s sea-curled hair, “We try this out, and I can’t promise you that things won’t change, but what I can promise you is that ten years won’t go down the drain because we’re better as friends than as a couple.” 

“Promise?” 

“ _Always_.” 

Alec nods, letting out a watery chuckle as Magnus’ kisses his cheek, resting his head on his best friend’s shoulder. 

Magnus was wrong. A year down the line, things did change— when they sat on the very same beach they admitted their long-withheld secrets, Alec did something that completely changed the trajectory of the relationship. 

It was as Magnus was playing with a small sand dollar Alexander had found that he’d heard Maryse gasp.

“Alec?” But the moment he turned around, he was met by his best friend— now lover, kneeling in the sand and holding a ring. 

“Magnus,” He questioned softly, “Will you marry me?” 

To which Magnus cupped his cheeks, and threw them both into the sand kissing.


End file.
